From the Desk of Professor Dave

TAKE A HIKE…SERIOUSLY.

Full disclosure…I had something else written and was about to hit “Post” when I had a moment of inspiration. Don’t worry, I will get back to that other post next month as it is really important and I want to share. When the idea I’m going to share hit me on a sunny day here in my awesome, adopted city of Philadelphia, I had to switch gears. I actually had to sit down and start writing down my thoughts (with real pen and paper!) to make sure this idea didn’t get drowned out once I got back to my inbox and to-do list on my desk.

We all need to take more walks. Seems like a simple concept, right? Ok then, when was the last time you left your phone on your desk, pushed back your chair, grabbed an iPod for some tunes and just walked?  I’m alluding to a walk with no errands, no destination, no phone call with a potential client (or camp family) or any other technology driven distraction.

Well, I have to admit that as much as I tell myself that it’s probably a good idea, most of my walks tend to be built around a purpose. I actually can’t remember the last time I took a walk just for the sake of walking. It is usually to visit someone or someplace, go to the gym or meet friends for dinner. So, in the midst of a busy day, I decided to drop it all, put some sneakers on and just stroll around the city.

This is an insanely busy time for camp people; I get it because I was one of you. I can’t stress enough that taking an uninterrupted, non-programmed walk will actually make you more productive, enhance your creativity and give you more focus. Here is what I was in the midst of when I decided to push the pause button for an hour: 2 different clients that I’m developing staff training for, 19 students and 9 mentors that I’m helping get through a Practicum process so those students can graduate, a couple of projects for ExpertOnlineTraining and come other proposals which will hopefully lead to camp clients. This was on top of the 75-100 emails I get a day about curriculum, student work, grades, paperwork, etc. So, I am pulled in many different directions and most days seem like it is not possible to get it all done.  I obviously had all of these stresses in my mind as I walked and like most of you, I can’t just ignore my responsibilities. The way I thought about all these important pieces of work is what changed.

My decision to hit that pause button, put on some good tunes and go outside led to these 5 results:

  1. After 10 minutes of trying to figure out where my phone was, I actually felt RELAXED!
  2. I felt like a FRIENDLIER, less stressed version of myself and found myself saying hello and smiling at complete strangers!
  3. I was INSPIRED! Like I said earlier, I had to stop (more than once) to write ideas for all those “problems” that were sitting on my desk.
  4. I felt REFRESHED after only 30 minutes. I started feeling lighter on my feet and my energy levels were quickly back to 100 percent.
  5. I came back to my desk and felt completely FOCUSED on the tasks on my to-do list. I made better decisions (and made them quicker) and I am pretty confident that my level of work was better.

That’s my personal experience and I encourage you to try it yourself. See what happens and enjoy your walk!

And, if you don’t believe me and need more proof, here’s some science: http://www.newyorker.com/tech/elements/walking-helps-us-think

Throwback Thurber (From the Desk of Professor Dave)

In this Blog Post from Dr. Thurber’s archives, he discusses the importance of spending time and energy on your program. Since many of you are making hiring/purchasing decisions related to your activity areas RIGHT NOW, this is a good time to revisit the idea presented here. Enjoy!

Finding Beauty in an Ashtray

“What is it?” asked my cabin leader, gently.  We both eyed my clay creation as it emerged from the camp kiln, glazed and cooled.  I was 12, so I hadn’t made a something; I’d made an anything.  It had just been fun to pinch and push the clay for our hour-long arts and crafts period.  Now came the hard part: I needed to identify my project.

“Hmm…” I thought out loud.

Finally, my cabin leader said confidently, “Oh, I see.  It’s an ashtray.”

And there it was.  The year was 1980, so it was still permissible to make an ashtray.  Today, the same object would clearly be a politically correct candy dish or a heart-healthy, hypoallergenic soy nut dish.  In any case, it was what it was and there it was.  Like most arts-and-crafts projects at camp, it was, more than anything else, an expressive snapshot of my thoughts, feelings, and actions at the time of creation.  It was simple and personal.  Which is probably why it still sits (sans ashes) on my mother’s writing desk.

Volumes are written about what makes art art and what differentiates art from craft, so instead of writing an essay on aesthetics, I just want to share why I think arts and crafts at camp are so meaningful.  In my mind, anything creative and pleasing to the senses can be art.  Crafts, on the other hand, are construction skills, often learned through apprenticeship.  Naturally, arts and crafts go hand-in-hand.  Michelangelo used the craft of stone carving to create pieces of art like David.  At camp, children learn crafts such as weaving and woodworking to create pieces of art such as baskets and birdhouses.  To what end?

Contemporary conceptualizations of the human mind include the idea of multiple intelligences.  (Interested readers can find books by Howard Gardner and Robert Sternberg.)  Simply put, we have different domains of cognitive strength—such as mathematical, social, verbal, artistic—and those domains compliment each other.  So combining some athletic and social activities at camp with some arts-and-crafts actually feeds kids’ brains.  It’s kind of like intellectual cross-training.  The trouble with some camp arts-and-crafts programs is they are either marginalized or mechanized.

Marginalization occurs when the leadership at camp fails to create an atmosphere where art is valued.  Arts-and-crafts becomes an “uncool” program activity and few campers attend the lame periods that are offered.  The campers who do participate are labeled in ways that suggest they must not be athletic, adventuresome, or heterosexual.

Mechanization occurs when the leadership at camp relies on kits rather than creativity.  Arts-and-crafts devolves into campers purchasing nearly-assembled moccasins, birdhouses, wallets, etc.  The activity periods—if you want to call them that—involve very little activity besides counselors explaining to kids how to interpret the kit’s assembly directions.  Creative juices dry up along with the seed for self-esteem: a genuine sense of accomplishment.

At the best camps, arts-and-crafts programs flourish because the leadership recognizes the value of a balanced program of activities—something that includes athletics, adventure, and art.  Equally important, these programs flourish because campers are challenged to refine their crafty skills, solve problems, and create new works.  The brains and souls of these children are nourished and the camp staff become actively involved in their mission: to nurture positive youth development.  And as an added bonus, some lucky parents and grandparents may get an ashtray—I mean paperweight—on closing day.

Words of Wisdom

I need to apologize. I was hit by March madness. If you know anything about me, you know it could not be the March Madness associated with college basketball. It was college basketball right? No, it is the other March Madness – the one that hits all psychologists in March, especially those who work in schools. Even though I am still in the madness that started in March, I wanted to get back to my “habit” of writing and delivering a monthly blog to you.

This month, I want to focus on what I gained from the tri-state camp conference where I was a presenter and attendee. I had so many wonderful experiences. I got to hear and meet Dr. Angela Duckworth, whose research comprises the backbone of my upcoming book on “teen grit.” I had the opportunity to reconnect and spend time with friends and colleagues. I also had the opportunity to meet and attend the workshops of Bob Ditter, a clinical social worker, consultant and camp guru. In addition, to being a true mensch, Bob Ditter shared some important concepts at his workshops about working with children. I would like to share some of his thoughts, together with my spin on them, in this month’s blog. If you are a parent, educator, or have anything to do with children, I am sure you will find them helpful.

Here Are My Favorite Three:

  • Talk to Kids in Ways They Can Hear

In the words of Bob Ditter, we need to “connect to kids before we redirect them.” How can we do that? Specifically, we need to “connect through empathy and validation, before we redirect.” As adults we often go quickly into “fix-it” mode or problem solving before we take a moment to empathize. However, it is often the case that until both children and adults feel validated, they will feel stuck. When they feel validated, children and adults are more willing to problem solve and be redirected. Remember, it is not enough to be empathetic only when you believe the feeling expressed is the correct one. Even when you don’t understand or agree, you should validate your child’s and spouse’s feelings. Although some behaviors are not acceptable, feelings are always acceptable.

I also connected to the concept shared by Ditter that you need to “take care of the right side of the brain (the emotional side of the brain) before you can deal with the left side (language/problem solving). You can do this by not discussing the challenging behavior at the “point of the struggle.” We often, (me too), try to have lengthy (one-sided) talks (lectures) when our kids are too emotional. They are not available! It is much better to have this important conversation outside of the moment. When you finally have this conversation, do it by “hooking a compliment to a concern.” What do I mean? Before telling children you are upset about their behavior, share with them what is going well. When I see kids in my office, I always try to start with what worked before we delve into what did not.

I am also a big believer in the concept that everything starts and ends with a positive relationship. Whenever I work with parents and/or children, I always emphasize that nothing can be accomplished without first establishing a positive relationship. Think of the people in your life you felt cared about you and treated you with respect and fairness. Weren’t you willing to do things for them because of your positive relationship? Remember, in the words of Rita Pierson, “Kids don’t learn from people they don’t like.” Therefore, before you try to get children to “hear” you, make sure that you have established a positive relationship.

  • Our Expectations Shape People’s Behavior

Ditter shared a study that was written in Adam Grant’s terrific book, Give and Take. The study shows us the power of our labels and how they can affect our impressions. Specifically, Dr. Dov Eden, an Israeli psychologist, conducted a study that showed he could predict with unbelievable accuracy which young recruits in the Israeli military would become top performers. Dr. Eden studied the skills and aptitudes of one thousand recruits. He then selected a group of soldiers he labeled as “high potential.” Dr. Eden then told the commanders that they could “expect unusual achievements” from these soldiers. Sure enough, Dr. Eden was right. Over the next three months, Dr. Eden’s group outperformed their peers. It looked like Eden had an impressive way of identifying talent – or did he? In fact, there was a twist: the high potential soldiers were not really high potential, but rather chosen completely at random. By labeling them as “high-potential,” both the commanders and the soldiers saw themselves as “special,” which led soldiers to act “special.” The phenomenon, known as the Pygmalion Effect, is seen often in educational setting. How so? For example, when we put the “robins” (our high readers) in the “Robin’s Reading Group,” we expect more from them than from the “toads” (our low readers) in the “Toad’s Reading Group,” resulting in them meeting our expectations. In addition, do you really think the “toads” and the “robins” really don’t know what is going on when we “disguise” the names of their reading groups in this way? What can we learn from this? Treat all our students and our children like they are rock stars. By having high expectations for all, more often than not, they will become rock stars.

  • Drop the Rope or My Spin – “Drop the Leash”

How many of you have heard of the concept of “drop the rope”? Ditter put this term on the map. “Drop the leash” is a variation on this concept. For those of you who are not familiar with this phrase, many children and adults will approach you with a rope that they want you to grab. They are looking for a debate and someone to grab their “leash” and their negative energy. Don’t grab onto this leash. Instead drop it and react in a way you can be proud. Model an appropriate way to handle frustration rather than mirror out-of-control behavior. To accomplish this goal, try to understand what underlies the person’s actions. Understanding leads to empathy, and empathy erases anger. By pausing to understand the reasons why someone may have said something inappropriate, you can better control your response. Remember, you can be a tremendous role model if you are able to pause to understand before you react, especially when you are feeling frustrated. Instead, mirror back to the person the way you want to be seen and remembered.

I hope you too got something out of this blog as I did from the conference, and thank you BOB DITTER!

HAPPY APRIL! Caren

If you enjoyed these concepts from Caren, check out her videos in ExpertOnlineTraining’s video library.  If your camp doesn’t currently subscribe to ExpertOnlineTraining, contact them at 877-390-2267 to schedule a demo.