Spoiler Alert- Parts of Finding Dory, the movie, will be revealed in this month’s blog. Although I don’t think Finding Dory is a “thriller” that can be spoiled (you all know there is a happy ending), you may not want to read this blog if you don’t want to know details from the movie.

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For those of you not familiar with the story, Dory is a fish who has short-term memory loss. As a result of this condition, Dory loses her family. In Finding Dory, Nemo and Nemo’s father, Marlin, (from Finding Nemo) try to help Dory reconnect with her parents.

Four aspects of the movie made an impression on me. I believe we can all learn Persistence, Perseverance, the Power of Family and Friends, and Purpose from Dory.

Persistence

Dory was persistent. She had a goal and was passionate about it. She was undeterred even when she faced many setbacks. What enabled her to persist is that she felt her goal was important; she was confident in her success; and she did not get deterred by the costs (how scary or overwhelming this journey would be). Her mindset allowed her to be persistent! In order to be persistent try thinking like Dory.

Perseverance

Not only did she persist, Dory was also resilient. She faced many obstacles; however, she did not let these challenges define her. If anything, she became stronger and more equipped because of the challenges she faced. When Nemo and his father were really in a jam, they asked themselves, what would Dory do? Looking to what Dory would do, helped them to persevere.

Throughout the movie, Dory became stronger, braver and more independent. Interestingly, it was at her lowest and darkest point that her greatest growth occurred. That feeling of being in a dip – being confused, lost, and overwhelmed — can make you feel bad. But if you can reach a place where those feelings inspire you, that’s where people (and fish) grow.

The Power of Family and Friends

It is important to note that Dory could not have accomplished her goal alone. She had Nemo and Marlin to inspire her initially, and then received support from Hank the Octopus. She also had the warm, loving memories of her parents that provided confidence and reassurance. It was by tapping into all this support that Dory could ultimately grow more independent and handle any obstacle she faced.

Purpose

Dory had purpose. What do I mean by purpose? Her behavior was not just meaningful to herself (finding her parents), but to the world at large (strengthening others). By having purpose, she was able to both persist in her goal and be resilient in the face of setbacks.

At the end of the movie, you see Dory bravely sitting at the edge. What I found striking was that not only did Dory change and benefit from the support of others, but she also influenced others around her (e.g., Marlin, Hank) to be braver, more resilient, and to grow. When we reach out and support others, not only do they benefit and grow, but we benefit and grow as well.

In the words of Dory: “just keep swimming” and remember it is always best to swim with purpose and not alone.

Wishing everyone a great summer – Caren

“So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So…get on your way!

Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

This year is very special for my family- both my son and my daughter are graduating: my son from high school and my daughter from middle school (the school she has attended since nursery school). It is true what everyone says, “They grow up so fast.” But, what does not have to be true is focusing on the more immediate, but less important aspects of raising children without reflecting on what is important in the long-term. Graduations and transitions naturally lend themselves as periods of reflection. So even if you don’t have a child or student who is experiencing a big graduation, I ask you to stop, reflect, and ultimately share with the children who are in your care what you want for them in the long run, and not just today.

How can you do this? What if instead of one or two select students having to write commencement speeches, the parents teachers, and coaches of the world wrote to their children and students. What would we want to say? Ask yourself, if I needed to write a speech to a child in my life as he or she moved from one transitional place to another, what would the message be? Would it be pick up your coat? Don’t forget to study for math? How did you do on your English test? Or would it be different? Would the content be more about being a person of leadership and support to others? Would it be about finding balance and strength in their lives? Would it be about love and pride? I think you all would agree that the message would be more about the latter questions rather than the former.

So my question to you is, how do we avoid the trap of letting all or most of our conversations with our kids be about the small daily occurrences instead of the long-term picture? As humans we have a natural tendency to focus on the immediate, but not earth shattering, activities in our lives. Stephen Covey labels this tendency as “urgent, but not important” in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. How can we focus instead on what Stephen Covey calls, “non-urgent, but important.”

One way to accomplish this is to stop, take a moment, and reflect. Even better, write your own commencement speech to your children. In this speech, let the children in your life know how you feel about them. How proud you are of them. What your hopes are for them in the future. Even if the child in your life is graduating from 1st to 2nd grade, write a commencement speech for him or her. Let what you write be a shining light that gives your parenting, teaching, or mentoring its focus and direction.By the way, as many of you know, I am a big believer of not just “talking the talk,” but also “walking the walk.” So today after I told my son, “he could not leave the house until the clothes were picked up from the bathroom floor,” I also (not right after, but a little later) told him, “I am proud of you and the choices you have made,” and “I love you.” Although the urgency to say the words of love and encouragement was not the same as my request that he clean up and, the fact remains that my son still did not pick up his clothes after I reminded him, I know that ultimately it will be my words of love, encouragement, and pride that will shape my son. Happy graduation to all the graduates and their very proud parents,teachers, and mentors.

Wishing you all the best during this busy, but IMPORTANT time of year.

If you choose to do this activity, I would love to hear from you. Send me an email with your commencement speech. And remember, “you’re off to Great Places!” – Caren