WEBVTT FILE 1 00:00:04.959 --> 00:00:07.606 Welcome to Leadership Essentials, 2 00:00:07.606 --> 00:00:12.062 online learning for youth development professionals. 3 00:00:13.992 --> 00:00:15.710 Advanced skills for 4 00:00:15.710 --> 00:00:18.659 working with difficult parents. 5 00:00:18.659 --> 00:00:22.384 Part one, overwhelmed and anxious parents. 6 00:00:23.376 --> 00:00:25.183 Most parents you'll work with this summer 7 00:00:25.183 --> 00:00:26.971 at day camp or resident camp will 8 00:00:26.971 --> 00:00:29.154 be pleasant and cooperative. 9 00:00:29.154 --> 00:00:32.149 They understand their children, your camp, 10 00:00:32.149 --> 00:00:34.656 and the way children and camps work together. 11 00:00:34.656 --> 00:00:37.745 But a small percentage of parents will be difficult. 12 00:00:37.745 --> 00:00:39.393 So in this module, I'll show you 13 00:00:39.393 --> 00:00:41.506 some examples of difficult parents 14 00:00:41.506 --> 00:00:43.642 along with a collection of ten essential 15 00:00:43.642 --> 00:00:46.475 principles you can use in combination, 16 00:00:46.475 --> 00:00:48.425 to form productive partnerships 17 00:00:48.425 --> 00:00:51.537 with even the most difficult moms and dads. 18 00:00:51.537 --> 00:00:54.834 No single strategy works with every difficult parent, 19 00:00:54.834 --> 00:00:58.688 but here are 10 powerful approaches you can use, 20 00:00:58.688 --> 00:01:02.032 in whatever combination suits your style. 21 00:01:02.032 --> 00:01:07.032 Be interested, be calm, be patient. 22 00:01:08.293 --> 00:01:12.693 Be understanding, be kind, 23 00:01:12.693 --> 00:01:14.235 be realistic. 24 00:01:14.926 --> 00:01:18.295 Be practical, be strong, 25 00:01:19.504 --> 00:01:23.405 be respectful and be collaborative. 26 00:01:23.405 --> 00:01:25.936 If there were a simple recipe I could give you 27 00:01:25.936 --> 00:01:28.722 for successfully managing the most difficult 28 00:01:28.722 --> 00:01:31.779 situations with parents, I would, but there isn't. 29 00:01:31.779 --> 00:01:33.730 You've got to have the courage to try 30 00:01:33.730 --> 00:01:36.585 these 10 strategies alone, or in combination, 31 00:01:36.585 --> 00:01:38.814 along with other things that you think might, 32 00:01:38.814 --> 00:01:40.463 work and learn from experience, 33 00:01:40.463 --> 00:01:43.249 what's effective with different kinds of parents. 34 00:01:43.249 --> 00:01:45.525 In the end, it can be very gratifying 35 00:01:45.525 --> 00:01:47.545 to form a working relationship 36 00:01:47.545 --> 00:01:50.029 with a difficult parent, because it helps provide 37 00:01:50.029 --> 00:01:52.049 a more enjoyable camp experience 38 00:01:52.049 --> 00:01:54.209 for their son or daughter. 39 00:01:54.209 --> 00:01:56.414 In part one of this module series, 40 00:01:56.414 --> 00:01:58.481 you'll see ways to work with overwhelmed 41 00:01:58.481 --> 00:02:01.685 parents and anxious parents. 42 00:02:01.685 --> 00:02:04.664 Later, in part two, you'll learn how to work 43 00:02:04.664 --> 00:02:08.866 with bossy, defiant, and unhappy parents. 44 00:02:09.634 --> 00:02:12.467 As you watch each vignette, in part one 45 00:02:12.467 --> 00:02:15.416 and part two, think of ways you might respond 46 00:02:15.416 --> 00:02:17.258 even more skillfully than the staff 47 00:02:17.258 --> 00:02:19.231 member in the video does. 48 00:02:19.231 --> 00:02:21.228 Keep in mind that children don't 49 00:02:21.228 --> 00:02:23.434 always act like their parents. 50 00:02:23.434 --> 00:02:25.756 Let your opinions about campers form 51 00:02:25.756 --> 00:02:27.706 after you've gotten to know them, 52 00:02:27.706 --> 00:02:29.796 rather than assuming right at the start, 53 00:02:29.796 --> 00:02:32.727 that they somehow resemble their parents. 54 00:02:33.681 --> 00:02:36.419 OK, let's start with overwhelmed parents. 55 00:02:38.441 --> 00:02:42.203 Overwhelmed parents have too much on their minds. 56 00:02:42.203 --> 00:02:44.641 Overwhelmed parents may speak quickly, 57 00:02:44.641 --> 00:02:48.240 ask a lot of questions, and seem distracted. 58 00:02:48.240 --> 00:02:50.469 Dropping their child off for day camp, 59 00:02:50.469 --> 00:02:53.209 or resident camp, involves more details 60 00:02:53.209 --> 00:02:55.182 than they can easily handle, given 61 00:02:55.182 --> 00:02:57.667 everything else that's going on in their lives. 62 00:02:57.667 --> 00:02:58.804 Get out the car! 63 00:02:58.804 --> 00:03:00.337 Where is your trunk? 64 00:03:00.337 --> 00:03:02.691 Where's your coat? 65 00:03:02.706 --> 00:03:03.544 Hop out! 66 00:03:03.544 --> 00:03:04.471 Hi, Mrs. Donahee? 67 00:03:04.471 --> 00:03:05.639 Wait, where are those... 68 00:03:05.639 --> 00:03:06.807 What shoes are those on? 69 00:03:06.807 --> 00:03:07.975 Mrs. Donahee? 70 00:03:07.975 --> 00:03:09.971 Yeah, oh hi, I'll be right with you, 71 00:03:09.971 --> 00:03:11.773 I am so sorry that we're late. 72 00:03:11.773 --> 00:03:12.984 We were supposed to be here... 73 00:03:12.984 --> 00:03:14.330 At this point, you're probably 74 00:03:14.330 --> 00:03:16.033 wondering how this parent even gets 75 00:03:16.033 --> 00:03:17.774 her shoes tied in the morning. 76 00:03:17.774 --> 00:03:19.152 You might be tempted to just 77 00:03:19.152 --> 00:03:21.683 stand back and watch things unfold. 78 00:03:21.683 --> 00:03:25.259 But try pulling a few strategies from our list. 79 00:03:25.259 --> 00:03:27.627 Staying calm, showing interest, 80 00:03:27.627 --> 00:03:32.155 and being understanding, kind, and practical, 81 00:03:32.155 --> 00:03:35.382 are especially helpful with overwhelmed parents. 82 00:03:35.382 --> 00:03:36.473 I'm so sorry we're late! 83 00:03:36.473 --> 00:03:38.155 It's not a problem, I'm here to help. 84 00:03:38.186 --> 00:03:40.119 Ya know what, we kinda got the days mixed up. 85 00:03:40.119 --> 00:03:41.675 Oh, it happens all the time. 86 00:03:41.675 --> 00:03:44.391 So I really didn't pack as organized as I'd like to. 87 00:03:44.391 --> 00:03:45.689 That's OK. 88 00:03:45.689 --> 00:03:47.944 He takes some medicine, he takes 89 00:03:47.944 --> 00:03:50.600 vitamin C in the morning, and some Nasacort, 90 00:03:50.600 --> 00:03:52.750 Here's his suntan lotion-- 91 00:03:52.750 --> 00:03:54.143 Mrs Donahee, why don't we take everything 92 00:03:54.143 --> 00:03:56.935 inside, out of the rain, we'll figure it all out then. 93 00:03:56.935 --> 00:03:58.325 Here's his toothbrush. We've got plenty of time, 94 00:03:58.325 --> 00:03:59.309 we're in no hurry. 95 00:03:59.309 --> 00:04:01.511 Hey guys, lets get dry, why don't we go inside? 96 00:04:01.511 --> 00:04:02.905 Very good, thanks, like I said, 97 00:04:02.905 --> 00:04:04.855 we ended up at camp Evergreen... 98 00:04:04.855 --> 00:04:05.923 Oh it happens all the time. 99 00:04:05.923 --> 00:04:07.897 or Pinegreen, I got the wrong directions... 100 00:04:07.897 --> 00:04:09.206 These old roads are extremely confusing. 101 00:04:09.206 --> 00:04:10.567 Yeah, I know it. 102 00:04:10.567 --> 00:04:11.942 Overwhelmed parents might need you 103 00:04:11.942 --> 00:04:14.824 to step in and help organize things. 104 00:04:14.824 --> 00:04:17.889 Maintaining a calm tone of voice also helps, 105 00:04:17.889 --> 00:04:21.534 as you'll see in this next vignette with an anxious parent. 106 00:04:21.534 --> 00:04:24.854 Anxious parents are afraid of the unknown. 107 00:04:24.854 --> 00:04:26.898 They're especially worried that something might 108 00:04:26.898 --> 00:04:29.591 happen to their child, and they compensate 109 00:04:29.591 --> 00:04:32.726 by hovering and becoming overprotective. 110 00:04:32.726 --> 00:04:35.311 They have an especially hard time saying goodbye. 111 00:04:35.311 --> 00:04:36.634 You know what, I saw some poison 112 00:04:36.634 --> 00:04:38.376 ivy behind the bathrooms. 113 00:04:39.391 --> 00:04:40.605 You're really, really allergic to poison 114 00:04:40.605 --> 00:04:42.694 ivy so we need to get some sunblock, 115 00:04:42.694 --> 00:04:44.064 some poison ivy block on it. 116 00:04:44.064 --> 00:04:45.295 There's some in your backpack. 117 00:04:45.295 --> 00:04:46.967 We could do it now, we could do it now. 118 00:04:46.967 --> 00:04:48.430 You know honey, maybe this wasn't 119 00:04:48.430 --> 00:04:50.473 such a good idea, maybe another year. 120 00:04:50.473 --> 00:04:52.702 Ya know, maybe? 121 00:04:52.702 --> 00:04:54.536 Listen, if you get homesick and 122 00:04:54.536 --> 00:04:56.579 you want to come home, give me a call 123 00:04:56.579 --> 00:04:58.298 and I'll come get you, I will. 124 00:04:58.298 --> 00:04:59.830 Faced with this kind of parent, 125 00:04:59.830 --> 00:05:01.154 you might be tempted to look for 126 00:05:01.154 --> 00:05:03.011 some kind of tranquilizer. 127 00:05:03.011 --> 00:05:04.807 But of course the best thing to do 128 00:05:04.807 --> 00:05:08.916 is remember that anxiety comes from a place of love. 129 00:05:08.916 --> 00:05:13.030 Being understanding, collaborative, and strong, 130 00:05:13.030 --> 00:05:15.658 especially when it comes to camp policies, 131 00:05:15.658 --> 00:05:17.407 is quite effective here. 132 00:05:17.407 --> 00:05:19.172 Look, Mrs. Clark, I can understand 133 00:05:19.172 --> 00:05:20.356 that having your son away from home 134 00:05:20.356 --> 00:05:22.306 for the first time can be very difficult 135 00:05:22.306 --> 00:05:24.210 to go through but, I understand that Malik's 136 00:05:24.210 --> 00:05:25.905 been signed up for two weeks, and I think 137 00:05:25.905 --> 00:05:27.298 he's gonna have a great stay, we have 138 00:05:27.298 --> 00:05:30.131 tons of activities around camp and 139 00:05:30.131 --> 00:05:32.154 let's not make any early pick up deals just yet. 140 00:05:32.154 --> 00:05:34.101 OK I understand, I understand. 141 00:05:34.101 --> 00:05:36.317 But I'm just a little worried about staying in touch. 142 00:05:36.317 --> 00:05:37.654 You know, maybe I could phone him 143 00:05:37.654 --> 00:05:39.070 and we could talk a little, and I could 144 00:05:39.070 --> 00:05:40.301 just make sure he's doing ok. 145 00:05:40.301 --> 00:05:41.462 Staying in touch is not a problem. 146 00:05:41.462 --> 00:05:43.180 At camp we communicate with postcards 147 00:05:43.180 --> 00:05:45.824 and mail so, if you've given him stamps 148 00:05:45.824 --> 00:05:48.819 and mail, have you've given him the postcards? 149 00:05:48.819 --> 00:05:52.189 I did, I did, in his trunk, in a Ziplock bag, 150 00:05:52.189 --> 00:05:53.721 there's postcards, letters all 151 00:05:53.721 --> 00:05:55.099 pre addressed and stamped just like 152 00:05:55.099 --> 00:05:57.769 it said in the video, so he can write home, 153 00:05:57.769 --> 00:05:59.789 and he can write to friends and, 154 00:05:59.789 --> 00:06:01.786 he'll be writing lots of letters I hope. 155 00:06:01.786 --> 00:06:03.226 Great! I will. 156 00:06:03.226 --> 00:06:04.666 All right, I think it's the perfect time 157 00:06:04.666 --> 00:06:06.802 that we can get Malik up to the kickball field, 158 00:06:06.802 --> 00:06:08.102 and just get him involved with 159 00:06:08.102 --> 00:06:09.967 some of the other campers. 160 00:06:09.967 --> 00:06:11.244 That sounds great, maybe I can go 161 00:06:11.244 --> 00:06:12.568 and watch the game for a little while 162 00:06:12.568 --> 00:06:14.565 and just make sure he's settling in OK 163 00:06:14.565 --> 00:06:15.772 and making some friends. 164 00:06:15.772 --> 00:06:16.701 We have plenty of staff up there, 165 00:06:16.701 --> 00:06:18.605 and if it makes you feel better, 166 00:06:18.605 --> 00:06:20.602 I can send you a postcard tomorrow just to tell 167 00:06:20.602 --> 00:06:22.459 you how he's doing with the rest of the camp. 168 00:06:22.459 --> 00:06:24.967 OK, that sounds great, all right sweetheart. 169 00:06:24.967 --> 00:06:27.583 Oh, maybe I could stay 170 00:06:27.583 --> 00:06:29.162 in the cabin next door for a few days? 171 00:06:29.162 --> 00:06:30.165 (man laughs) Mom! 172 00:06:30.165 --> 00:06:31.219 Just to make sure, just kidding. 173 00:06:31.219 --> 00:06:32.559 Sweetheart just kidding, I know. 174 00:06:32.559 --> 00:06:33.929 You're gonna have a great time. 175 00:06:33.929 --> 00:06:35.253 Anxious parents are sometimes 176 00:06:35.253 --> 00:06:37.389 called helicopter parents for the way 177 00:06:37.389 --> 00:06:40.477 they hover around their children and the camp staff. 178 00:06:40.477 --> 00:06:42.497 However if you follow through on your 179 00:06:42.497 --> 00:06:44.424 promises to parents and provide 180 00:06:44.424 --> 00:06:46.816 clear boundaries, reassurance, 181 00:06:46.816 --> 00:06:48.952 and factual information about camp, 182 00:06:48.952 --> 00:06:50.785 you can be a soothing presence. 183 00:06:51.460 --> 00:06:53.921 Before we get to bossy, defiant and 184 00:06:53.921 --> 00:06:57.497 unhappy parents in part two of this module series, 185 00:06:57.497 --> 00:06:59.958 let's review the core principles of working with 186 00:06:59.958 --> 00:07:02.487 overwhelmed and anxious parents. 187 00:07:03.696 --> 00:07:06.599 For overwhelmed parents, be a soothing presence 188 00:07:06.599 --> 00:07:08.874 by staying calm and helping out. 189 00:07:08.874 --> 00:07:11.103 Overwhelmed parents need your understanding 190 00:07:11.103 --> 00:07:14.176 and your guidance in this new camp setting. 191 00:07:14.176 --> 00:07:17.519 For anxious parents, who may linger and worry, 192 00:07:17.519 --> 00:07:20.963 provide reassurance that their child will be well cared for. 193 00:07:20.963 --> 00:07:24.562 At the same time, set limits and stay strong 194 00:07:24.562 --> 00:07:26.559 when it comes to camp policies on 195 00:07:26.559 --> 00:07:28.812 phone calls, early pick up deals, 196 00:07:28.812 --> 00:07:31.133 and correspondence with home. 197 00:07:31.133 --> 00:07:33.223 The confident tone you set with both 198 00:07:33.223 --> 00:07:35.104 overwhelmed and anxious parents 199 00:07:35.104 --> 00:07:37.426 will reassure them and their children 200 00:07:37.426 --> 00:07:39.399 that camp will be great. 201 00:07:39.399 --> 00:07:42.046 That wraps up part one of this Leadership Essential. 202 00:07:42.046 --> 00:07:45.295 Thanks for watching and have a great summer. 203 00:07:50.444 --> 00:07:53.137 For quizzes, handouts and other resources, 204 00:07:53.137 --> 00:07:55.374 explore more on 205 00:07:55.374 --> 00:07:58.417 expertonlinetraining.com