Welcome to Leadership Essentials,
online learning for youth development professionals.
Advanced skills for
working with difficult parents.
Part one, overwhelmed and anxious parents.
Most parents you'll work with this summer
at day camp or resident camp will
be pleasant and cooperative.
They understand their children, your camp,
and the way children and camps work together.
But a small percentage of parents will be difficult.
So in this module, I'll show you
some examples of difficult parents
along with a collection of ten essential
principles you can use in combination,
to form productive partnerships
with even the most difficult moms and dads.
No single strategy works with every difficult parent,
but here are 10 powerful approaches you can use,
in whatever combination suits your style.
Be interested, be calm, be patient.
Be understanding, be kind,
be realistic.
Be practical, be strong,
be respectful and be collaborative.
If there were a simple recipe I could give you
for successfully managing the most difficult
situations with parents, I would, but there isn't.
You've got to have the courage to try
these 10 strategies alone, or in combination,
along with other things that you think might,
work and learn from experience,
what's effective with different kinds of parents.
In the end, it can be very gratifying
to form a working relationship
with a difficult parent, because it helps provide
a more enjoyable camp experience
for their son or daughter.
In part one of this module series,
you'll see ways to work with overwhelmed
parents and anxious parents.
Later, in part two, you'll learn how to work
with bossy, defiant, and unhappy parents.
As you watch each vignette, in part one
and part two, think of ways you might respond
even more skillfully than the staff
member in the video does.
Keep in mind that children don't
always act like their parents.
Let your opinions about campers form
after you've gotten to know them,
rather than assuming right at the start,
that they somehow resemble their parents.
OK, let's start with overwhelmed parents.
Overwhelmed parents have too much on their minds.
Overwhelmed parents may speak quickly,
ask a lot of questions, and seem distracted.
Dropping their child off for day camp,
or resident camp, involves more details
than they can easily handle, given
everything else that's going on in their lives.
Get out the car!
Where is your trunk?
Where's your coat?
Hop out!
Hi, Mrs. Donahee?
Wait, where are those...
What shoes are those on?
Mrs. Donahee?
Yeah, oh hi, I'll be right with you,
I am so sorry that we're late.
We were supposed to be here...
At this point, you're probably
wondering how this parent even gets
her shoes tied in the morning.
You might be tempted to just
stand back and watch things unfold.
But try pulling a few strategies from our list.
Staying calm, showing interest,
and being understanding, kind, and practical,
are especially helpful with overwhelmed parents.
I'm so sorry we're late!
It's not a problem, I'm here to help.
Ya know what, we kinda got the days mixed up.
Oh, it happens all the time.
So I really didn't pack as organized as I'd like to.
That's OK.
He takes some medicine, he takes
vitamin C in the morning, and some Nasacort,
Here's his suntan lotion--
Mrs Donahee, why don't we take everything
inside, out of the rain, we'll figure it all out then.
Here's his toothbrush. We've got plenty of time,
we're in no hurry.
Hey guys, lets get dry, why don't we go inside?
Very good, thanks, like I said,
we ended up at camp Evergreen...
Oh it happens all the time.
or Pinegreen, I got the wrong directions...
These old roads are extremely confusing.
Yeah, I know it.
Overwhelmed parents might need you
to step in and help organize things.
Maintaining a calm tone of voice also helps,
as you'll see in this next vignette with an anxious parent.
Anxious parents are afraid of the unknown.
They're especially worried that something might
happen to their child, and they compensate
by hovering and becoming overprotective.
They have an especially hard time saying goodbye.
You know what, I saw some poison
ivy behind the bathrooms.
You're really, really allergic to poison
ivy so we need to get some sunblock,
some poison ivy block on it.
There's some in your backpack.
We could do it now, we could do it now.
You know honey, maybe this wasn't
such a good idea, maybe another year.
Ya know, maybe?
Listen, if you get homesick and
you want to come home, give me a call
and I'll come get you, I will.
Faced with this kind of parent,
you might be tempted to look for
some kind of tranquilizer.
But of course the best thing to do
is remember that anxiety comes from a place of love.
Being understanding, collaborative, and strong,
especially when it comes to camp policies,
is quite effective here.
Look, Mrs. Clark, I can understand
that having your son away from home
for the first time can be very difficult
to go through but, I understand that Malik's
been signed up for two weeks, and I think
he's gonna have a great stay, we have
tons of activities around camp and
let's not make any early pick up deals just yet.
OK I understand, I understand.
But I'm just a little worried about staying in touch.
You know, maybe I could phone him
and we could talk a little, and I could
just make sure he's doing ok.
Staying in touch is not a problem.
At camp we communicate with postcards
and mail so, if you've given him stamps
and mail, have you've given him the postcards?
I did, I did, in his trunk, in a Ziplock bag,
there's postcards, letters all
pre addressed and stamped just like
it said in the video, so he can write home,
and he can write to friends and,
he'll be writing lots of letters I hope.
Great! I will.
All right, I think it's the perfect time
that we can get Malik up to the kickball field,
and just get him involved with
some of the other campers.
That sounds great, maybe I can go
and watch the game for a little while
and just make sure he's settling in OK
and making some friends.
We have plenty of staff up there,
and if it makes you feel better,
I can send you a postcard tomorrow just to tell
you how he's doing with the rest of the camp.
OK, that sounds great, all right sweetheart.
Oh, maybe I could stay
in the cabin next door for a few days?
(man laughs) Mom!
Just to make sure, just kidding.
Sweetheart just kidding, I know.
You're gonna have a great time.
Anxious parents are sometimes
called helicopter parents for the way
they hover around their children and the camp staff.
However if you follow through on your
promises to parents and provide
clear boundaries, reassurance,
and factual information about camp,
you can be a soothing presence.
Before we get to bossy, defiant and
unhappy parents in part two of this module series,
let's review the core principles of working with
overwhelmed and anxious parents.
For overwhelmed parents, be a soothing presence
by staying calm and helping out.
Overwhelmed parents need your understanding
and your guidance in this new camp setting.
For anxious parents, who may linger and worry,
provide reassurance that their child will be well cared for.
At the same time, set limits and stay strong
when it comes to camp policies on
phone calls, early pick up deals,
and correspondence with home.
The confident tone you set with both
overwhelmed and anxious parents
will reassure them and their children
that camp will be great.
That wraps up part one of this Leadership Essential.
Thanks for watching and have a great summer.
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